Leaving Boston

I’m trying to sleep on a yoga mat on the hardwood floor of my empty apartment. The space is so bare, I can almost hear my breath echo. In the past two weeks, I’ve sold off all my furniture, donated and trashed several bags of belongings, and shipped the rest to California. There it is—…

Chapter Twenty-Three

The night before my birthday this year, I lay in bed and shed a few burning tears while thinking about what I would write for this annual occasion. Typically my process for writing these birthday posts consists of reflecting over the past year and trying to find a simplified narrative of a) what happened and…

On Regressing in Lockdown

Every time someone I’m talking to brings up the coronavirus or the administration’s response to it, my throat tightens. I’m not sure why this happens— I think it’s because I have so many frustrating feelings about the whole thing, and yet it feels absolutely pointless to me to lay them all out, because rehashing the…

Chapter Twenty-Two

My parents always said that I was “mature” for my age, which now, looking back, may have been their way of expressing relief that I was fairly easy to manage as a child. Over the summer, I asked my mother to bring me some knitting things from my old stash, and she was very amused…

clouds at sunrise

Trying to Feel Okay About Growing Up

I have lived my life for the past eighteen years according to the familiar rhythm of the school year. Semesters and midterms and breaks formed my notion of time, and I was always working toward something specific, be it a diploma, certification, or award. My academic life has shaped my perception not only of the…

Chapter Twenty-One

While turning twenty felt like the end of an epoch, twenty-one feels rather quiet and inconsequential. Besides the practical aspect of having finally turned an age that my peers have all been for months, I’m looking back on the last year and, uncharacteristically, don’t have much to say. Sure, things happened. But they all sort…

Chapter Twenty

Turning twenty last month felt largely like nothing at all. I suppose it’s because it’s felt like I’ve been turning twenty all year. I can confidently say that the past year has been one of the most eventful, significant ones of my life. I’ve had the pleasure of living abroad, traveling to several beautiful places,…

How To Leave Singapore

The time has passed so quickly yet not at all. That’s how semesters go, as birds soaring past the sun, as feathers dragging in the wind. You have flinched during thunderstorms, studied for essays, sweated gallons from your upper lip alone. Intimidated, you still haven’t tried to use any clause-final discourse particles— you’d feel silly,…

How To Move To Singapore

They say it’s going to be especially cold these coming months. You’re squeezed into an aisle seat, the buffer between the walkway and an overly cozy couple. The time that follows is full of the woman climbing over her boyfriend and shaking you awake every time she needs to use the restroom. You count fourteen. How…